Good for you, Dennis!

Geoff, I have so many computers already that I have to stop and count them before I can tell you how many "many" is. Er ... two laptops, a netbook, a tablet, and three desktops. That's six, not counting the tablet which is a pretty brainless thing after all compared to the real ones. I have spent 40 years owning computers, and 30 years working professionally on them. The last thing I need is another damn computer.

My granny phone is far superior to any smart phone. It's small and light, it cost practically nothing, it has actual keys that really move and feel nice, and they are large keys that I can use without needing my glasses and even if my fingers are cold and clumsy, and it always works because the battery charge lasts an entire week.

But that's not all. It's pleasantly simple to operate (you might think that someone who enjoys programming would not value simplicity, but actually the reverse applies - good programming is all about the search for simplicity), and on the security side of things it is completely unhackable - to hack into a system, the system has to have enough brain to hack. Trying to hack or infect a proper dumbphone is like trying to seduce and morally corrupt a cabbage.

All smartphones spy on you 24 hours a day. You never own the phone, it doesn't serve you, it serves a giant American corporation which tracks all your movements and records everything you do, from where you shop to what websites you visit, everything. It is all harvested - without your consent and in most people's cases without even their knowledge - and recorded and used to build an ever-more comprehensive secret file on you and all your habits. There are no two ways about it: Google is evil, and Google's power is ever-increasing. The only other choice worth mentioning, Apple, is worse.

Finally, dumb phones don't do the dumb stuff. When not-too-brights send those annoying phone messages with pictures and lord knows what else in them, my dumb phone shows how smart it actually is by simply ignoring the lot. FFS, I've got six computers, send it in an email you clowns!

Oh, and they are also quite useful for making phone calls.