My wife was watching TV last night when the advertisement for the government helpline for those that want to lose weight, came on.
The ad says something along the lines of "Have you gotten a little soft around the edges?"
My wife looks up and says, "I'm not a 'little soft', I'm a diabolical cushion!!" (I'm guessing she meant 'veritable cushion')
My daughter looked at her and asked, "Do you know what you just said?" to which my wife replied, "Yes, I'm huge" and my daughter said, "No, you just said you're an evil scheming cushion"
Well, at the mental image of an evil scheming cushion, all my attempts to not laugh out loud at my wife (never a good idea), became almost too much, and tears started streaming down my face.
Along with my wife's tendency to grab the nearest sounding word regardless of whether it's actually the correct meaning, she also comes out with statements that are often just as funny, along the lines of a recent one while talking to my daughter about what my daughter could use to go to an event dressed as a Ninja. My daughter's suggestions obviously didn't meet with her Mum's approval at all, because my wife responded with, "All the Ninjas I know wear ...." (followed by whatever she thought my daughter should wear). Of course, all that met with was, "Just how many Ninja's do you actually know Mum?" (Could be handy to know my wife has Ninja friends if I ever need something done with absolute stealth I guess).
Life with my wife is never boring I must say. She's good at keeping us all amused (and I have her permission to quote these stories).