Sunday Smilies

[ricktas]

Some funnies to get a smile on your dial on this winter Sunday morning

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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

An Irishman, a Scotsman, an Australian, a Priest, a Bishop, a Rabbi, a blonde, a brunette, a penguin, a duck and a horse walk into a bar and the Barman says - "Is this some kind of a joke?"

I saw a woman at the gym wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it.
I said, "Thyroid problem?"

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

My girlfriend bought a book titled "Cheap and Easy Vegetarian Cooking". It's ideal, as not only is she a Vegetarian…

[Xebadir]

Two relatively clean and bad ones from me.

A US comedian is up on stage doing his act in South Carolina and is talking about oxymorons.
A gentlemen pipes up asking "Is that an eight-sided idiot?"
The comic without missing a beat "Stand up and turn around, we'll count 'em"

A hurricane and a tornado are sitting at a bar, the hurricane says to the tornado I hope we don't come to blows.