Born in 1867 as the result of a fleeting liaison between a railroad detective and a Bratislavan barmaid, I was sent into the mines at the age of three by my grandfather, an old "'49er" who believed that children should work to pay their way in the world.
Emerging with chronic asthma and a permanent tan due to ingrained coal dust, I took stock of my prospects and soon enough found myself on an immigrant boat bound for Sydney, Australia!
The free and easy lifestyle of colonial New South Wales suited me and I settled in easily enough. I hoped to make my fortune in the tea trade, and in the meantime I assisted the Australian government in various important projects, notably the extermination of the Tasmanian aborigines. This challenging task was completed in time for the Australian Federation in 1901, and I was rewarded by a grateful government