Photographic Humour - Jokes

[Kym]

An old advert, but funny

[Warren Ackary]

Remember:

• Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are: P[erfect] Av[Awesome Priority Tv[Totally Awesome Priority] M[ajestic]
• Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his.
• Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time.
• Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is.
• Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape - the light waits for him.
• Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the earth
• Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus; unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth instead.•
• Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less good get a Canon sticker
• Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think once
• Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident.
• Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius
• Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers, and lo, there were ducks.
• Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you
• Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure
• Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble SpaceTelescope.
• When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it.
• Rockwell portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes
• Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d"
• Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's.
• Ken Rockwell never focus, everything moves into his DoF
• Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned photoshop for him: all it consists of is a close button.
• The term tripod was coined after Ken Rockwell's silhouette
• Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the viewer
• A certain brand of high-end cameras was named after people noticed the quality was a lot "like a" Rockwell
• Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is the Ken Rockwell of martial arts.
• Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues.

Love it Kym!

[Kym]

I told this when judging at Adelaide CC last night...

There were two photographers arrested in Europe yesterday and taken to the horse meat scandal court.
One was a Nikon shooter, the other Canon.
They were arguing about which had the better lenses.

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They were gaoled for flogging a dead horse

[Rattus79]

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They were gaoled for flogging a dead horse

Of course they were because everybody knows that Pentax Ltd lenses are the best in the world!

[Mark L]

Apparently, when the police arrived, there was a Pentax user about to join into the argument. They advise him to not say anything or else they'd charge him with blasphemy.

[Rattus79]

Apparently, when the police arrived, there was a Pentax user about to join into the argument. They advise him to not say anything or else they'd charge him with blasphemy.

Of course he did. He was a Leica shooter. Although how he could afford one on a police mans salary is yet to be determined!

[tcdev]

How to Photograph a New Puppy

Also relevant to 10-month-old daughters!

[martycon]

I now know this is true.

[*~Min~*]

Just saw this joke on Pinterest and found it funny:
"A photographer went to a socialite party in New York. As he entered the front door, the host said 'I love your photos - they're wonderful; you must have a fantastic camera'. He said nothing until dinner was finished, then 'That was a wonderful dinner - you must have a terrific stove'."

[ameerat42]

Are any of these jokes filtered?
Has anybody put an f-stop to this?
Does talking on a cold day increase your stutter speed?
ISO like some of the humour in this thread.
...

[Mark L]

...
Humor, of cause Am lens a hand.
Just as well, 'cause my attempts aren't that flash.
Can't expose you to the tripod joke I heard. Rick would probably sensor it.
I'll AF off now.
...

[ameerat42]

Mark. Zoom-Zoom!

(Actually, I detest both versions of that saying, the B one and the stupid Mazda sound-alike, but for the sake of photography...)

[RobC]

Just have to share this-
Helping to photograph cemetery headstones for a 'Tour' advertisement-
We (a Council ute and us photographers) turned off the main road where road-works were happening-
SIX cars followed us for about 1 kilometre to the cemetery- thinking they were following a 'Detour'
I just couldn't stop laughing!!

[ameerat42]

...
SIX cars followed us for about 1 kilometre to the cemetery- thinking they were following a 'Detour'
I just couldn't stop laughing!!...

Did nobody think of stopping to tell them? - Boy, that's funny!

[ameerat42]

100% crop? A yield that a farmer would be happy with.

[Ezookiel]

...SIX cars followed us for about 1 kilometre to the cemetery- thinking they were following a 'Detour'
I just couldn't stop laughing!!

Reminds me of the guy driving a semi that wasn't concentrating (to make this photography related humour, I guess he was taking a photo while driving), and missed a corner, and ran straight through a fence into a paddock.
He got out all shaken, and walked around the semi to see how much damage there was, and found a couple parked behind him in their car.
When he asked what the heck they were doing there, they said that "Whatever it was that you thought was too big for you to hit, was obviously going to be way too big for us to hit it, so we decided it was safer to follow you"

[RobC]

I once taught photography at a TAFE college. One 'student' owned a 35mm film Rollei 35S where the flash shoe was on the base-plate of the camera. All their flash photos showed 'monster' lighting (lit from below). I politely advised to invert the camera & flash, press shutter with thumb. The answer came back- "won't all my photos be upside-down?" (true !)

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[Ezookiel]

LOL.
Couldn't help but laugh at this at least a little.
Just a funny off the internet, owner not known)

Film Canister.jpg

[Kym]

I tried to take a photo in fog...

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I mist.

[ameerat42]

I tried to take a photo in fog...

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I mist.

A load of hot air?