Look after yourself

[macmich]

Today has been one of the worst days of my life and I just want to stress to everyone the importance of getting help
I have witnessed and attended some horrific things over a span of 40 odd years and after a recent episode where I could not bring someone back to life, it has now got to a serious stage of post traumatic stress, I thought I would never break down and cry I thought blokes did not do this. Well I have not hardly stopped for the past two days and on and off for a couple of months
I have just left the hospital and I will have a long trip back to get me right, they are tring new medications and a lot of counselling to help
I cannot stress enough do not be the tough man like me and witness a horrific crime or anything else that is not the normal and then have a beer and think it will all be a memory
It will catch up one day, so if you need help seek it and no one will see you as weak which is how I came crashing down and lucky to be writing this message
Macca ( I am not writing this for sympathy but to try and help others)

[ricktas]

Sorry to hear about this Macca. Try and get hold of a book called 'seven stages of grief'. There are several versions and variations but they all deal well with how we humans deal with loss, it is great with helping understand the stages of grief, and that crying is OK. Probably one of the best books I have read to gain an insight into the human psyche when dealing with loss. There is a summary here: http://www.journey-through-grief.com...-of-grief.html

Just know that all the emotions you experience are normal, and that understanding them is the key.

[arthurking83]

Get well soon mate, and I'm all our thoughts are with you.

[Mark L]

Jeez Macca, hope it all works out okay for you.

[Debra Faulkner]

Hey Macca, PTSD is also something that has a huge impact on your adrenals and provides a nice thing called 'nervous exhaustion' - perhaps getting to a naturopath and saying exactly what you have said in your initial post above could be another avenue to help your recovery .... just a thought, Macca ...

[mudman]

it seems that there is a lot of support and good will on this site for you Macca, which is one of the most important things you need at this time. always remember, you are not alone and that help is there
it will take a long time for you to recover from this, so take it one day at a time and don't be hard on yourself for what has happened to you. you and others in similar jobs are really heroes in my book, so hang in there
Steve

[Granville]

It's bottled up over the years Macca, and now it's burst out. Fortunately, unlike some other PTSD sufferers who don't find the insight and just withdraw, you recongnize it for what it is, and you recognize what it's doing to you. That's half the battle won already. Now you just seek the combinatuions of treatment that will work for you. This thread is the start. Good luck.

[Speedway]

Look after yourself Macca. Recognizing there is a problem is over half the battle won, things should improve from now on.
Cheers
Keith.

[bitsnpieces]

Good luck Macca - hope it all goes well for you

[snappysi]

hope each day is a little better than the last macca, and it is slowly onward and upward from here. It sounds like you are on your way and in good hands.....

Simon.

[Regnis]

Hii Macca, I really feel for you mate. While I have not witnessed an event like you have I have suffered from PTSD. I lost my brother in the Bali terrorist attacks in the 2002. One thing i hope you can address is the notion of mindfulness. I did not address my problems and went into a 'auto-pilot' like mode and it drastically effected my relationships and had a huge impact on my life. I wish you well in your journey mate. I'm am here if you would like to talk at anytime.
Adam

[macmich]

Regis
Thank you for your kind offer and I will probably take you up on it a bit down the track, the one thing a lot of men think is there bullet proof and think real men don't cry, I can tell them you are not bullet proof and believe me real men cry, I have spent day after day of just sitting back or pulling over beside a road and for no reason just go to pieces, am I ashamed at first that was my thoughts. But I do not need to be ashamed, I spent the best part of my mornings after difficult nights drinking and forgetting of what happened hours earlier, believe me it did not work it just built up and was waiting to come out, I gave up drinking five years ago and that part of me trying to forget was over, but after a recent episode where I lost a resident after CPR, it gave me doubt every night and kept asking if I done enough, I know I could not have done more than I did, but the nightmares that continued and still do of every effort I ever made to save someone or if I got there quicker I could have stopped them jumping or stopped a chap getting a driver pushed into his chest etc, and I now no the only way to combat all these things is to get professional help straight away and do not think your superman, there is hardly a day gos by that I leave home in the car and the wife thinks it might be the last time she will see me, so keep getting help and keep helping other people that might have there own battles, there's hardly a day gos by that you hear that the black dog has taking someone else,so the more vigilant to keep an eye on your mates if they are having a bad time the better
Macca

[bricat]

Take care Macca. cheers Brian

[peterking]

3 months ago a friend and housemate took his life at home after many years of depression.
I've dealt with it myself for over forty years and yes there have been times I've wanted to give up and exit this life but then
i just keep going.
The best thing I did after his suicide was to seek professional help. I'm by no means past it but I'm told I'm dealing with it well.
All that to tell you that not a day goes by where I don't question my own actions or inactions to help him to prevent what he did. there's no point second guessing yourself but I know it's something we do.
And yes men do cry and if we did it more I think we'd be better for it. It's a great emotional release.
If there's one thing I can say it's don't hide it or hide from it. Be yourself and be well. Take time to sit down and enjoy just being.
Always think, Those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter.

[J.davis]

With my ex military problems, and life full of fighting the ghosts, I know where you are coming from and going to.
It seems that our emotions fill a void in our lives that never go away until one day they overflow ( where you are now),
a long road ahead for you, but with the right guidance (and time) you will get to manage things a lot better, and will be able to
lend a helping hand to others who are about to overfill their lives.
Talk is the best part of your fight at the moment, find a confidant (usually a psychologist) that understands YOUR demons, and not just
someone that is in the profession.

Best of luck with your path to recovery.

[RJD]

Macca, I'm glad you are getting the help you need and I wish you all the best as you work through this. It sounds like you have given much of yourself by being the person helping, I am sure for every person you have not been able to save there are several who are only alive today because of you. That in no way lessens the trauma you are going through now though, may you have all the support around you that you need.

[merlin1]

Good luck Macca, hope everything works out for you.

Ross.

[kleinpark]

Hey Macca, as other here have said, well done on taking the first huge step into re-claiming your life back !! While your journey may feel long at times, you will get to your destination.
My husband lives with depression, and like you, is on medication. An important thing to remember with this is that there is no "magic pill" and that what works for one won't necessarily work for another. Some medications can even have the opposite effect, that is, make you feel even worse and should that happen tell your GP straight away so they can change them. Don't think like some have, that they are failures because even the medication doesn't help them. A simple change of medication will make the world of difference in this case.
If your wife ever feels like she needs someone to talk to, I'm more than happy to help if I can.
BTW....real men do cry !!!

[Mark L]

My husband lives with depression, and like you, is on medication. An important thing to remember with this is that there is no "magic pill" and that what works for one won't necessarily work for another. Some medications can even have the opposite effect, that is, make you feel even worse and should that happen tell your GP straight away so they can change them.

Valid advice.
The only time I've had suicidal thoughts was after being prescribed a certain popular anti-depressant "magic pill".

Anyway, how you going macca?

[kleinpark]

Was it as pill called Endep Mark ??