Universal jokes?

[ameerat42]

So, the question is, "What was there before the Big Bang?"

Obvious when you think of it, "Ante-matter".

Am.

[ricktas]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Methodologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"


And Holmes said: Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.

[Kym]

A doctor, a civil engineer and a software engineer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.

“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor.
“God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…”

The civil engineer breaks in:
“But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.”

The software engineer thinks a bit and then says:
“And who do you think created chaos?”

[macmich]

a kid was walking up the street and found a cricket ball
he went around the corner and found another cricket ball
he turned the next corner and found a cricket without any balls
macca

[ricktas]

What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?... I have read and agree to the terms of service!

[ameerat42]

GFC "Asteroid" Wreaks Havoc in the Poultry World - Potential Universal Inflation

First it was just a rumour in the twittershpere.
Now it's all the talk in the bird world.

As if the recent bird flu was not bad enough, now there's a currency crisis.
And it's slated to get worse, according to the latest tweets.

Hens have recently found that their nest eggs are not worth chicken-feed!

For turkeys, their savings are not worth a load of cobblers!

Birds in trees have fallen mostly silent as nothing's cheep anymore.

And on the pond ducks just swim past each other without talking.
This behavior is known as just passing the duck, and is usually considered to be ineffective and anti-social.

These are just some of the psychological effects of the crisis...