View Full Version : Photographic Humour - Jokes
A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made the daily trek to the elementary school. As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother was worried that her daughter would be frightened walking back home from school, and she herself feared the electrical storm might cause her harm. Following each roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being very concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to the school.
Soon she saw her small child walking along. The thunder would boom, and then, at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking up at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called out and asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" Her little girl answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me!"
:lol:
Post your Photographic (clean) humor here...
A friend of mine works in a camera store. The other day a very
confused looking woman approached the counter and handed my friend
a camera. She said "I took pictures, but I forgot to have film in
the camera. Can you please get them out of the camera for me?"
:)
One day I was working in the darkroom with my girlfriend. Things
started out negative but soon I was enlarging. As it started to
develop, I told her we should stop before we got into a fix, but
she said it would all come out in the wash.
The Black & White photo process summarized...
why, what were you thinking?
;)
pgbphotographytas
08-07-2008, 8:51am
One day I was working in the darkroom with my girlfriend. Things
started out negative but soon I was enlarging. As it started to
develop, I told her we should stop before we got into a fix, but
she said it would all come out in the wash.
The Black & White photo process summarized...
why, what were you thinking?
;)
Some people have dirty minds... :rolleyes:
Paul
ricktas
08-07-2008, 8:57am
Some people have dirty minds... :rolleyes:
Paul
Some do, apparently, PAUL!:devil6:
pgbphotographytas
08-07-2008, 9:30am
Some do, apparently, PAUL!:devil6:
Not me :angel6:
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great bush fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
;)
Come on APers ... there must be more jokes out there!
Three wedding photographers have all been booked to cover the same wedding, a traditional
photographer a contemporary photographer and a documentary style photographer.
Just before the brides arrival the best man falls to the floor as if he has died. The traditional photographer gives mouth to mouth straight away while the contemporary photographer gives him a heart massage.
As the bride arrives the best man is still on the floor and she asks the traditional photographer "what did you give him?" and he replies "mouth to mouth".
She asks the the contemporary photographer the same question and he replies "a heart massage".
She then turns to the documentary photographer and asks "what did you give him" and he pauses before answering "1/125th at f/8, flash fill!" !
Until the next exposure...
:D
parkesy
08-07-2008, 7:07pm
Photographer Works
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
parkesy
08-07-2008, 7:09pm
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
Old but good. ;)
Old Photographers never die, they get sent to the old focus home
Old Photographers never die, they just stop developing
Old Photographers never die, their F stops
Old Photographers never die, they just have flash backs
Old Photographers never die, they just get out of focus
Old photographers never die, they're just waiting to see what develops
Old Photographs never die, they just fade away
:D
This is Australian Photography ... so ...
Two Kiwis, Brian and Craig are walking down a street in Bondi.
Brian happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.
The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each, Shirts $4.00 each, Trousers $5.00 per pair'
Brian says to his pal, ' Craig, look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and whin we get beck to InZid, we could make a fortune.
'Now whin we go unto the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just lit me do all the talking cause uf they hear our accint, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my bist Aussie accint.'
'No wurries, smiled Craig, I'll keep my mouth shut.'
They go in and Brian says, 'I'll take fifty suits et $10.00 each, 100 shirts et $4.00 each, and fufty pairs of trousers at $5.00 each. I'll beck up my truck and...'
The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from New Zealand , aren't you?'
'Well.... yis,' says a surprised Ian. 'How the hill dud you know thet?'
The owner says,
'This is a dry cleaners'.
:action003:
Tannin
10-09-2008, 10:08am
True story ........
I worked in a pub many years ago. I was pulling beers in the public bar one afternoon when some Kiwis walked in.
"Yes, mate."
"Sex tins, please."
I'd met New Zealanders before, so that didn't throw me for a moment. I pointed and said "Round the bottle shop, mate".
"I want sex tins."
"Half a dozen cans, no worries. We don't have them here, but there are plenty in the bottle shop. Out to your right."
He didn't seem very bright. "I just want sex tins." (sigh)
"This is the public bar. We've only got draft beer here. You need to go out the door you came in, round to your right, and see Barnie in the bottle shop. He will fix you up with tins no worries."
"No, sex tin-ounce glasses".
Ahh! Now I get it
One Kiwi asked his mate, "What's a hindu?"
"Lays eggs, Bro"
Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott
Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Window's.
Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
Costello: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What's bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later) ...
Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my new computer off?
Abbott: Click on 'START'
During a high school break-in two burglars found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking pictures of each other committing the crime.
When they couldn't figure out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded it wasn't loaded and left it behind. The men apparently didn't realize they'd been fooling around with a digital camera that stores pictures on a computer disk.
Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a complete photographic record of the break-in. The suspects were quickly arrested.
:D
Smile For The Camera
A drug dealer decided to impress his friends by hiring a limousine for a big night on the town. His first stop was at a posh suburban residence to sell some cocaine to a rather influential individual.
Hoping to earn a little extra profit by blackmailing his wealthy customer, the crook handed a camcorder to the limo driver and asked him to record the event for posterity.
The driver, a an off duty police officer, was happy to comply.
lol - I've read a few cases where people have taken pics of them selves with stolen cameras which have led to their arrest :)
How to Photograph a New Puppy
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”
17. Clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” the first thing in the morning.
Camera's don't lie...
An off-duty police officer, who was familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again and at even more slower speed.
Another flash.
He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.
Same result.
"Whoever use that speed camera must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, he received the violation notices in the mail.
.
.
.
.
.
He discovered three traffic tickets --- each for not wearing a seat belt!
virgal_tracy
06-10-2009, 1:21pm
Had this site sent to me and it has some funny stuff that we can all relate to.
Enjoy
What the duck (http://www.whattheduck.net/)
lol some good ones there :)
seastorm
06-10-2009, 1:48pm
I've bookmarked it, thanks Vince!!! :)
I nearly wet myself laughing at my mates FaceBook status the day of the Sydney dust storms:
"Woke up and tried to change the white balance to amber..but didn't have any luck.. "
Crazy Horse
06-10-2009, 11:41pm
My wife asked me to take out the garbage the other day...I said 'You cooked it, you take it out' :D
nigo75
29-11-2009, 11:35am
How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?
50 - One to change the bulb, and forty-nine to say, "I could have done
that!"
one for the birders.
you know of all the birds in all the world I'd have to say the boobook owl has to be the most caring!
... cause it actually gives two hoots!
boom boom!
nigo75
29-11-2009, 11:43am
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
Dizzy Photographics
29-11-2009, 11:51am
lol...i really like that one :)
Harves
29-11-2009, 11:55am
A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
nigo75
29-11-2009, 12:30pm
A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made the daily trek to the elementary school. As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother was worried that her daughter would be frightened walking back home from school, and she herself feared the electrical storm might cause her harm. Following each roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being very concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to the school.
Soon she saw her small child walking along. The thunder would boom, and then, at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking up at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called out and asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" Her little girl answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me!"
:laughing1:
Lame Photography Jokes...
Ok it had to be done...
CANON
:D:D:D:D:D Just kidding
MATT
one for the birders.
you know of all the birds in all the world I'd have to say the boobook owl has to be the most caring!
... cause it actually gives two hoots!
Actually, no fair-dinkum birdo would laugh at that one, they would be too busy telling you that you have miscapitalised the species name, and in any case, it isn't a "boobook owl", the correct name is Southern Boobook. :)
ricktas
29-11-2009, 1:29pm
A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "You are a beautiful woman, would you like to sit for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "You are a beautiful woman, would you like to sit for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
GOLD:th3::th3::th3:
MATT
ricktas
29-11-2009, 1:33pm
I bought a new Labrador and decided to call him Kodak. Cause I have always wanted to own a Kodak Lab
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3049/2814810543_5c23bf83f0.jpg
(owner unknown)
nigo75 :efelant: :wd: :food04:
How many AP members does it take to take a photo?
50 - One to take the photo, and forty-nine to say which lens would be best to use :)
There were these two sisters Luella and Rose. They were going
to get a picture taken of themselves as they were getting there passports.
They go to the studio and after the photographer fools with the
camera he tells Rose to sit quietly because he had to focus.
Well, Luella being out of hearing says, "Huh?"
Rose says, "Be still girl he's gonna focus!"
Luella looks and says, "Both of us?"
Astroman
29-11-2009, 9:31pm
Nigo75: HAHAHA!!!! :o
etherial
29-11-2009, 9:38pm
There were these two sisters Luella and Rose. They were going
to get a picture taken of themselves as they were getting there passports.
They go to the studio and after the photographer fools with the
camera he tells Rose to sit quietly because he had to focus.
Well, Luella being out of hearing says, "Huh?"
Rose says, "Be still girl he's gonna focus!"
Luella looks and says, "Both of us?"
Nup, lost on me. :confused013
nigo75
29-11-2009, 10:00pm
Bum or Armpit............:confused013:confused013:confused013
merlin
30-11-2009, 10:30am
There were these two sisters Luella and Rose. They were going
to get a picture taken of themselves as they were getting there passports.
They go to the studio and after the photographer fools with the
camera he tells Rose to sit quietly because he had to focus.
Well, Luella being out of hearing says, "Huh?"
Rose says, "Be still girl he's gonna focus!"
Luella looks and says, "Both of us?"
:wd::cool:
took a couple of seconds to figure out the armpit one, very good
I merged the humour threads. So there are some duplicated jokes :D
nigo75 :efelant: :wd: :food04:
How many AP members does it take to take a photo?
50 - One to take the photo, and forty-nine to say which lens would be best to use :)
:umm: Plus at least one to say its not real unless its taken using film :p :D
seastorm
30-11-2009, 12:13pm
There were these two sisters Luella and Rose. They were going
to get a picture taken of themselves as they were getting there passports.
They go to the studio and after the photographer fools with the
camera he tells Rose to sit quietly because he had to focus.
Well, Luella being out of hearing says, "Huh?"
Rose says, "Be still girl he's gonna focus!"
Luella looks and says, "Both of us?"
Hmmmm....riiiiiight...
Took me a long while to get the bum or armpit one... :)
coolie21
11-12-2009, 4:51pm
I like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9ZKOsiDh_k
yummymummy
19-12-2009, 10:36pm
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted. . .
:lol::lol2:
"Old photographers never die, they just fade away."
Remember: Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are: P[erfect] Av[Awesome Priority Tv[Totally Awesome Priority] M[ajestic]
Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his.
Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time.
Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is.
Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape - the light waits for him.
Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the earth
Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus; unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth instead.• Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less good get a Canon sticker
Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think once
Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident.
Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius
Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers, and lo, there were ducks.
Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you
Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure
Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble SpaceTelescope.
When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it.
Rockwell portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes
Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d"
Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's.
Ken Rockwell never focus, everything moves into his DoF
Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned photoshop for him: all it consists of is a close button.
The term tripod was coined after Ken Rockwell's silhouette
Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the viewer
A certain brand of high-end cameras was named after people noticed the quality was a lot "like a" Rockwell
Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is the Ken Rockwell of martial arts.
Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues.
This isn't really a joke or anything,
but one of my first jobs was a weekend manager of a small photo store - but in the days of film (1800s or something right?). We did fairly stock portraits in a room off to the side, and developed film and prints etc. Normal store.
One of the things I got used to very very quickly was the subject matter of the photos. When exposing and printing the photos, we would, like any good store, correct exposure, colour etc etc - so we were looking at each individual photo for a good couple of moments.
A lot of people didn't quite get that we actually looked at the photos. So there were quite a lot of sexy photos, a lot of lewd photos and some downright criminal photos. The thing is though, in a busy shop, we would make sure when customers came in to pick them up, that the photos we were giving them, were actually theirs.. So we would pull them out and flip through them in front of them and ask if they were theirs.
time and time again, we had lovely young girls come in with their boyfriends all red faced, and when we flipped through them, they would run out crying in shame. Hadn't these people thought of this? Or get a polaroid?
Anyway, the funniest photo I ever saw was, judging from the photos, someone had gotten married - and one of the groomsmen had a camera, and was taking some shots of the wedding... halfway through the film though, one of the guests appeared to have knicked his camera and went on a hilarious rampage... in the toilets taking a crap, one of the guests passed out in the bathroom etc etc.
Another one was NYE one year, all the dudes had lined up, and written a letter on each cheek with a toddler at the end...
all bare arsed, spelling Happy New Year Everybody 2003
I was exposed to quite a bit back then.
Why did DaVinci paint an image of Mona Lisa ?
Because he didn’t have a camera to shoot her.
________________________
In the maternity hospital a father of a newly born child is busy photographing his offspring.
His furious activity attracts attention of a nurse.
Is that your first baby - she asks compassionately. No – was the answer – my third, but it’s my first camera.
________________________
If your photo album is thin and has only one photo and of a mediocre quality it is... a passport
When the Marx Brothers were about to make a movie called "A Night in Casablanca," there were threats of legal action from the Warner Brothers, who, five years before, had made a picture called, simply, "Casablanca" (with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman as stars). Whereupon Groucho, speaking for his brothers and himself, immediately dispatched the following letters:
Dear Warner Brothers:
Apparently there is more than one way of conquering a city and holding it as your own. For example, up to the time that we contemplated making this picture, I had no idea that the city of Casablanca belonged exclusively to Warner Brothers. However, it was only a few days after our announcement appeared that we received your long, ominous legal document warning us not to use the name Casablanca.
It seems that in 1471, Ferdinand Balboa Warner, your great-great-grandfather, while looking for a shortcut to the city of Burbank, had stumbled on the shores of Africa and, raising his alpenstock (which he later turned in for a hundred shares of the common), named it Casablanca.
I just don't understand your attitude. Even if you plan on re-releasing your picture, I am sure that the average movie fan could learn in time to distinguish between Ingrid Bergman and Harpo. I don't know whether I could, but I certainly would like to try.
You claim you own Casablanca and that no one else can use that name without your permission. What about "Warner Brothers"? Do you own that, too? You probably have the right to use the name Warner, but what about Brothers? Professionally, we were brothers long before you were. We were touring the sticks as The Marx Brothers when Vitaphone was still a gleam in the inventor's eye, and even before us there had been other brothers -- the Smith Brothers; the Brothers Karamazov; Dan Brothers, an outfielder with Detroit; and "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" (This was originally "Brothers, Can You Spare a Dime?" but this was spreading a dime pretty thin, so they threw out one brother, gave all the money to the other one and whittled it down to, "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?")
Now Jack, how about you? Do you maintain that yours is an original name? Well, it's not. It was used long before you were born. Offhand, I can think of two Jacks -- there was Jack of "Jack and the Beanstalk," and Jack the Ripper, who cut quite a figure in his day.
As for you, Harry, you probably sign your checks, sure in the belief that you are the first Harry of all time and that all other Harrys are imposters. I can think of two Harrys that preceeded you. There was Lighthouse Harry of Revolutionary fame and a Harry Appelbaum who lived on the corner of 93rd Street and Lexington Avenue. Unfortunately, Appelbaum wasn't too well known. The last I heard of him, he was selling neckties at Weber and Heilbroner.
Now about the Burbank studio. I believe this is what you brothers call your place. Old man Burbank is gone. Perhaps you remember him. He was a great man in a garden. His wife often said Luther had ten green thumbs. What a witty woman she must have been! Burbank was the wizard who crossed all those fruits and vegetables until he had the poor plants in such a confused and jittery condition that they could never decide whether to enter the dining room on the meat platter or the dessert dish.
This is pure conjecture, of course, but who knows -- perhaps Burbank's survivors aren't too happy with the fact that a plant that grinds out pictures on a quota settled in their town, appropriated Burbank's name and uses it as a front for their films. It is even possible that the Burbank family is prouder of the potato produced by the old man than they are of the fact that from your studio emerged "Casablanca" or even "Gold Diggers of 1931."
This all seems to add up to a pretty bitter tirade, but I assure you it's not meant to. I love Warners. Some of my best friends are Warner Brothers. It is even possible that I am doing you an injustice and that you, yourselves, know nothing at all about this dog-in-the-Wanger attitude. It wouldn't surprise me at all to discover that the heads of your legal department are unaware of this absurd dispute, for I am acquainted with many of them and they are fine fellows with curly black hair, double-breasted suits and a love of their fellow man that out-Saroyans Saroyan.
I have a hunch that this attempt to prevent us from using the title is the brainchild of some ferret-faced shyster, serving a brief apprenticeship in your legal department. I know the type well -- hot out of law school, hungry for success and too ambitious to follow the natural laws of promotion. This bar sinister probably needled your attorneys, most of whom are fine fellows with curly black hair, double-breasted suits, etc., into attempting to enjoin us. Well, he won't get away with it! We'll fight him to the highest court! No pasty-faced legal adventurer is going to cause bad blood between the Warners and the Marxes. We are all brothers under the skin and we'll remain friends till the last reel of "A Night in Casablanca" goes tumbling over the spool.
Sincerely,
Groucho Marx
*For some curious reason, this letter seemed to puzzle the Warner Brothers legal department. They wrote -- in all seriousness -- and asked if the Marxes could give them some idea of what their story was about. They felt that something might be worked out. So Groucho replied:*
Dear Warners:
There isn't much I can tell you about the story. In it I play a Doctor of Divinity who ministers to the natives and, as a sideline, hawks can openers and pea jackets to the savages along the Gold Coast of Africa.
When I first meet Chico, he is working in a saloon, selling sponges to barflies who are unable to carry their liquor. Harpo is an Arabian caddie who lives in a small Grecian urn on the outskirts of the city.
As the picture opens, Porridge, a mealy-mouthed native girl, is sharpening some arrows for the hunt. Paul Hangover, our hero, is constantly lighting two cigarettes simultaneously. He apparently is unaware of the cigarette shortage.
There are many scenes of splendor and fierce antagonisms, and Color, an Abyssinian messenger boy, runs Riot. Riot, in case you have never been there, is a small night club on the edge of town.
There's a lot more I could tell you, but I don't want to spoil it for you. All of this has been okayed by the Hays Office, Good Housekeeping and the survivors of the Haymarket Riots; and if the times are ripe, this picture can be the opening gun in a new worldwide disaster.
Cordially,
Groucho Marx
*Instead of mollifying them, this note seemed to puzzle the attorneys even more; they wrote back and said they still didn't understand the story line and they would appreciate it if Mr. Marx would explain the plot in more detail. So Groucho obliged with the following:*
Dear Brothers:
Since I last wrote you, I regret to say there have been some changes in the plot of our new picture, "A Night in Casablanca." In the new version I play Bordello, the sweetheart of Humphrey Bogart. Harpo and Chico are itinerant rug peddlers who are weary of laying rugs and enter a monastery just for a lark. This is a good joke on them, as there hasn't been a lark in the place for fifteen years.
Across from this monastery, hard by a jetty, is a waterfront hotel, chockfull of apple-cheeked damsels, most of whom have been barred by the Hays Office for soliciting. In the fifth reel, Gladstone makes a speech that sets the House of Commons in a uproar and the King promptly asks for his resignation. Harpo marries a hotel detective; Chico operates an ostrich farm. Humphrey Bogart's girl, Bordello, spends her last years in a Bacall house.
This, as you can see, is a very skimpy outline. The only thing that can save us from extinction is a continuation of the film shortage.
Fondly,
Groucho Marx
*After that, the Marxes heard no more from the Warner Brothers' legal department.*
________________
Someone who knew how to deal with copy :D
Edit: A Night in Casablanca was released in 1946. :th3:
:lol::lol::lol:
Great stuff:th3::th3::th3:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Night_in_Casablanca
I wish Groucho were around to deal with the MPAA, RIAA etc :lol2:
I wish he'd run for PM!
great fun the Marx brothers, A Day at the Races was probably my favourite, although the one that they went to sea on the liner was also a scream:lol2:
arthurking83
03-06-2010, 3:01pm
Love it. :th3:
yarnella
03-06-2010, 4:08pm
Thank you, Kym. That made my day.
Funniest thing I have read for a while.
They don't make comedians like the Marx Brothers any more.
Q: What says "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"
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A: A parroty error :D
brownie
16-06-2010, 6:23pm
Love the Kiwi jokes. Did you know that the Japanese have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, it can take a picture of an Aussie with his mouth closed.
etherial
16-06-2010, 7:46pm
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand digital and those that don't.
I think that might be 'understand binary' :rolleyes::confused013
etherial
16-06-2010, 8:01pm
Doh, I knew it didn't sound right! Clearly you are one of the former!
arnica
23-07-2010, 12:25am
I'm not sure if this has been posted here before, but here I go:
http://www.break.com/index/excited-pug-ruins-kodak-moment.html
Scromple
28-08-2010, 12:03am
So there I was sitting in the cafe one day. As I watched the pedestrian traffic across the road I saw two guys walk into a camera store. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
Bear Dale
28-08-2010, 3:51pm
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a speciality of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
______________
Mod note: Merged thread
Xebadir
28-08-2010, 4:11pm
Heard it before but gotta love it. Definitely one of the things to watch out for as a Canon user though id reckon :lol:
i always thought the lightning came before the thunder, or am i being pedantic.
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything!"
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His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... STUDY??"
Lance B
03-09-2010, 12:06am
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything!"
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His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... STUDY??"
That's just taking things too far!! :)
Snappytom
03-09-2010, 12:18am
Photographer Works
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
brilliant
Bear Dale
09-09-2010, 3:21pm
Hmmmm Nikon lacking a little bit in the length department?
http://www.pagesofink.com/images/2008/GameOn_NikonCanon.jpg
KillerTimbo
29-09-2010, 5:21pm
Not sure if you've all seen this before, but I chuckled. Judge Joe (just like Judge Judy) settles a wedding photographer dispute. Clearly Judge Joe knows his way around the 'tog business...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js7RzcdDcMs&feature=player_embedded
A digital joke - Kryton would like this one
010000010010000001100110011001010110110001101100
011011110111011100100000011000100110111101110101
011001110110100001110100001000000110000100100000
010011000110000101100010011100100110000101100100
011011110111001000100000011100000111010101110000
011100000111100100100000011001100111001001101111
011011010010000001110100011010000110010100100000
011100000110010101110100001000000111001101110100
011011110111001001100101001000000110000101101110
011001000010000001101110011000010110110101100101
011001000010000001101000011010010110110100100000
010010110110111101100100011000010110101100001101
000010100101010001101000011000010111010000100000
011101110110000101111001001000000110100001100101
001000000110001101101111011101010110110001100100
001000000111001101100001011110010010000001101000
011001010010000001101111011101110110111001100101
011001000010000001100001001000000100101101101111
011001000110000101101011001000000110110001100001
01100010
geoffsta
04-10-2010, 5:58pm
Killertimbo........ That didn't last long
etherial
04-10-2010, 9:37pm
A digital joke - Kryton would like this one
010000010010000001100110011001010110110001101100
011011110111011100100000011000100110111101110101
011001110110100001110100001000000110000100100000
010011000110000101100010011100100110000101100100
011011110111001000100000011100000111010101110000
011100000111100100100000011001100111001001101111
011011010010000001110100011010000110010100100000
011100000110010101110100001000000111001101110100
011011110111001001100101001000000110000101101110
011001000010000001101110011000010110110101100101
011001000010000001101000011010010110110100100000
010010110110111101100100011000010110101100001101
000010100101010001101000011000010111010000100000
011101110110000101111001001000000110100001100101
001000000110001101101111011101010110110001100100
001000000111001101100001011110010010000001101000
011001010010000001101111011101110110111001100101
011001000010000001100001001000000100101101101111
011001000110000101101011001000000110110001100001
01100010
:lol:
0100100100100000011101110110111101101110011001000110010101110010001000000111011101101000011000010111010000100000011101110110111101110101011011000110010000100000 0110001001100101001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100100011010010110011101101001011101000110000101101100001000000111011001100101011100100111001101101001 011011110110111000100000011011110110011000100000011000010010000001001011011011110110010001100001011010110010000001001100011000010110001000111111
Hear about the japanese tour bus that was hijacked? Police say there is a good chance the offenders will be captured as over 300 photos were taken! BOOM BOOM..
etherial
05-10-2010, 9:29am
Erin from "The Office" on disposable cameras...
http://www.petapixel.com/2010/10/04/why-real-cameras-should-be-used-for-important-events/
:lol:
0100100100100000011101110110111101101110011001000110010101110010001000000111011101101000011000010111010000100000011101110110111101110101011011000110010000100000 0110001001100101001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100100011010010110011101101001011101000110000101101100001000000111011001100101011100100111001101101001 011011110110111000100000011011110110011000100000011000010010000001001011011011110110010001100001011010110010000001001100011000010110001000111111
A witches cat called Hex ? :lol:
Erin from "The Office" on disposable cameras...
http://www.petapixel.com/2010/10/04/why-real-cameras-should-be-used-for-important-events/
That's a top clip
:lol:
etherial
08-10-2010, 8:48am
Top 10 Signs You Are Obsessed With Photography
10. You can actually tell what kind of camera someone is using from over 30 feet away.
9. You have tried to claim “Photoshop” as a medical expense because it’s good therapy.
8. When planning a vacation, your main concern is finding a hotel that offers wifi so you’ll be able to upload your photos to the web, daily.
7. You own more than one camera bag even though you only have one camera.
6. You refer to cleaning up after dinner as “post-processing the kitchen.”
5. You can’t remember the date of your best friend’s birthday, but you know all the specs of your camera and lenses by heart.
4. When attending a wedding, you are more interested in what the photographer is doing than what the bride and groom are doing.
3. When you see a photo of a model, you find yourself more interested in what lighting was used and how much processing may have been done.
2. You understand that 22 is actually smaller than 5.6
1. When gazing upon a beautiful landscape you think to yourself, “That’s lovely, but it could use just a bit more saturation!”
http://shutterfinger.typepad.com/shutterfinger/2010/10/what-your-choice-of-camera-says-about-you.html
:clogo: owners
You appreciate the benefits of owning a camera system that leads in cutting-edge digital imaging technology and that offers a wealth of body, lens, and accessory options for every level of photographer, from lowly consumer to top professional. You will switch to Nikon.
:nlogo: owners
You appreciate the benefits of owning a camera system that leads in cutting-edge digital imaging technology and that offers a wealth of body, lens, and accessory options for every level of photographer, from lowly consumer to top professional. You will switch to Canon.
:plogo: owners
You’re the sort of person who would buy a $1500 DSLR body so your stash of thread-mount, K-mount and M-mount lenses from decades ago (collectively worth $75.00 at a flea market or yard sale) won’t go to waste; either that, or you’ve never heard of a Spotmatic, Pentax LX or Takumar, you just think you look cool sporting a day-glo red camera that takes real pictures. You think people are laughing with you, not at you.
(But that $75 lens costs $2,000 new in Canikon - so who's laughing now :p)
:slogo: owners
You believe that Sony’s innovations in consumer electronics and video technology, its leadership in digital imaging chip production, its in-body image stabilization, and its use of Zeiss optics results in a unique design synergy and products of exceptional value—because that’s what it says in the product literature. You also believe in astrology, UFOs and the Easter Bunny.
:ologo: owners
You’re the sort of person who buys North Korean beer, Peruvian underwear, and French cars, not because you actually like them but because no one else does. When people question your choice of camera system you respond that Olympus images have a certain “soul” and that photographs are what matter, not the camera. You have no friends.
Leica owners
You know that no other camera other than a Hasselblad gains as much instant respect among the cognoscenti as a Leica. Although this relieves the pressure of demonstrating actual photographic prowess, it increases the need to be familiar with the subtle differences in visual signature between an Elmar, Elmarit, Summitar, Summicron, and Summilux. You are either stinking rich, living in your mother’s basement, or one lens purchase away from a divorce.
... Read more in the link above, and the comments :lol:
As a lover of imported beers, and citroens I should in fact have an Olympus, not a Nikon... oh well.
I personally think there IS a difference between nikon and canon users tho! :p
ROFLMAO, especially at the editorial comments under Pentax!!! :lol:
Patagonia
06-12-2010, 1:23pm
Advice: Take the photo without flash...
...so Flash did not apear in the photo :D
etherial
12-12-2010, 8:10pm
From the Urban dictionary...
PHOBAR
-adjective, Acronym for "PHOtoshopped Beyond All Recognition." A play on the the more popular acronym FUBAR: "F**** Up Beyond All Recognition," PHOBAR refers to an image, usually a photo of a person, that has been retouched and airbrushed with digital image manipulation software on a computer so significantly, that the person in the photo is barely recognizable.
Of course she looks perfect in that photo, she was PHOBAR.
fimmwolf
03-02-2011, 5:37pm
http://i.imgur.com/JCCUd.jpg
It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. - Mitch Hedberg
etherial
14-03-2011, 9:56pm
This one made me laugh...
http://www.petapixel.com/2011/03/09/overheard-in-a-camera-shop-a-special-kind-of-canon-lens/
This one is even better http://www.petapixel.com/2011/03/10/how-not-to-photograph-the-stanley-cup-with-a-leica-m6/
It shows why a rangefinder is crap, and SLRs are good. :p
etherial
07-04-2011, 8:41am
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj7252ut9e1qzxxyao1_500.jpg
etherial
18-05-2011, 6:55pm
Think I'd prefer a Canon!!! :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awq90APEVgw
Think I'd prefer a Canon!!! :lol:
Huh, it was a Canon flash he threw wasn't it?
I thought it must have been because like most Canon gear they self destruct at the first sign of stress. :p :rolleyes:
Brilliant bid of video though, amazing what people with too much time and money on their hands can do.
http://shutterfinger.typepad.com/shutterfinger/2010/10/what-your-choice-of-camera-says-about-you.html
:clogo: owners
You appreciate the benefits of owning a camera system that leads in cutting-edge digital imaging technology and that offers a wealth of body, lens, and accessory options for every level of photographer, from lowly consumer to top professional. You will switch to Nikon.
:nlogo: owners
You appreciate the benefits of owning a camera system that leads in cutting-edge digital imaging technology and that offers a wealth of body, lens, and accessory options for every level of photographer, from lowly consumer to top professional. You will switch to Canon.
:plogo: owners
You’re the sort of person who would buy a $1500 DSLR body so your stash of thread-mount, K-mount and M-mount lenses from decades ago (collectively worth $75.00 at a flea market or yard sale) won’t go to waste; either that, or you’ve never heard of a Spotmatic, Pentax LX or Takumar, you just think you look cool sporting a day-glo red camera that takes real pictures. You think people are laughing with you, not at you.
(But that $75 lens costs $2,000 new in Canikon - so who's laughing now :p)
:slogo: owners
You believe that Sony’s innovations in consumer electronics and video technology, its leadership in digital imaging chip production, its in-body image stabilization, and its use of Zeiss optics results in a unique design synergy and products of exceptional value—because that’s what it says in the product literature. You also believe in astrology, UFOs and the Easter Bunny.
:ologo: owners
You’re the sort of person who buys North Korean beer, Peruvian underwear, and French cars, not because you actually like them but because no one else does. When people question your choice of camera system you respond that Olympus images have a certain “soul” and that photographs are what matter, not the camera. You have no friends.
Leica owners
You know that no other camera other than a Hasselblad gains as much instant respect among the cognoscenti as a Leica. Although this relieves the pressure of demonstrating actual photographic prowess, it increases the need to be familiar with the subtle differences in visual signature between an Elmar, Elmarit, Summitar, Summicron, and Summilux. You are either stinking rich, living in your mother’s basement, or one lens purchase away from a divorce.
This is off-topic.
You should know better, Kym.
Why was this posted in a humour thread?
Analog6
25-05-2011, 5:26pm
This one is even better http://www.petapixel.com/2011/03/10/how-not-to-photograph-the-stanley-cup-with-a-leica-m6/
It shows why a rangefinder is crap, and SLRs are good. :p
What a thicko!
ericimbs
05-07-2011, 9:14am
If you saw someone drowning and you could either save the person or photograph the event...
would you use a zoom or prime lens?
Rattus79
05-07-2011, 9:59am
Zoom no doubt, keep the frame tight as they float away!!
Bennymiata
05-07-2011, 8:50pm
Better to video it so you can hear the sound of him gurgling. :D
ericimbs
07-07-2011, 9:16am
hehe. good comeback.
Ezookiel
17-01-2012, 11:20pm
Not sure of the truth of the anecdote, but heard of a person working for a company that offered photoshopping services for people, who had a customer come in with an old photograph of a horse, and under the horse, you could just make out the legs of a person on the other side. She explained to the staff member that this was the only existing photo she has of her father, and would they be able to remove the horse so she could see what he looked like.
Ezookiel
02-03-2012, 9:58pm
:lol:
0100100100100000011101110110111101101110011001000110010101110010001000000111011101101000011000010111010000100000011101110110111101110101011011000110010000100000 0110001001100101001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100100011010010110011101101001011101000110000101101100001000000111011001100101011100100111001101101001 011011110110111000100000011011110110011000100000011000010010000001001011011011110110010001100001011010110010000001001100011000010110001000111111
01010100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01110100 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100101 01110101 01101001 01110110 01100001 01101100 01100101 01101110 01110100 00101110 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101000 01100101 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110000 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110101 01101101 01100010 01100100 01110010 01101001 01110110 01100101 00101100 00100000 01010011 01000100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110010 01100100 00101100 00100000 01100101 01110100 01100011 00100000 01100101 01110100 01100011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110000 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101000 01101111 01110100 01101111 01110011 00101110
http://fstoppers.com/video-the-miracles-of-science-a-pill-that-increases-productivity-and-creativity
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8TFPd6WjuXk
norwest
04-08-2012, 1:51pm
A long time ago i used to post up a humorous 'pic of the week' on my website. This is one of them.
A defensive wall set up for a free kick in a soccer game. The ball is about to smack into the wall with players unable to use hands or arms to block it. Always gives great facial expressions that come with an anticipation of pain. Pic quality is very poor from compression.
http://inlinethumb58.webshots.com/9529/2946338830101775718S600x600Q85.jpg (http://sports.webshots.com/photo/2946338830101775718vAPizM)
MattNQ
20-08-2012, 11:17am
One for the D800 owners, from Thom Hogan
Those who frequent his website ( http://www.bythom.com/ )will have seen this one.
"I hear from Nikon that the marketing department hasn't yet come up with a focus for the left side of their Photokina booth."
One for the D800 owners, from Thom Hogan
Those who frequent his website ( http://www.bythom.com/ )will have seen this one.
"I hear from Nikon that the marketing department hasn't yet come up with a focus for the left side of their Photokina booth."
About as subtle as brick through a window. Love it. :D
Mr Felix
10-09-2012, 8:36pm
One Kiwi asked his mate, "What's a hindu?"
"Lays eggs, Bro"
I heard the answer as:
It lays iggs sully.
From facebook (thanks Kirsty)
Photography is the only hobby where we can shoot people and cut off their heads legally.
From Whirlpool
Photographers are very mean. First, they frame you, then they shoot you, then hang you on the wall.
----
Buy a professional camera and your a professional photographer, buy a flute and you own a flute.
----
Q. What's the best way to make money in photography?
A. Sell all your gear.
----
I bought a Labrador and named him Kodak, so I can say I own a Kodak Lab.
----
"What's the difference between a full time photographer and a large costco pizza?
A large costco pizza can feed a family of four."
----
Some guy is very keen to get into large format photography and experience the amazing image quality that one can produce from it. So he goes down to the photography shop, drops down his hard-earned cash and buys a view camera complete with bellows and various film holders. He tells the salesperson excitedly that he's going off to shoot some landscapes with it.
The next day, this guy returns to the camera shop with a disgruntled look on his face, demanding a refund. He says to the salesperson:
"Mate, this camera is seriously defective. Everything in the viewfinder is upside down."
Rattus79
22-10-2012, 6:20pm
Some guy is very keen to get into large format photography and experience the amazing image quality that one can produce from it. So he goes down to the photography shop, drops down his hard-earned cash and buys a view camera complete with bellows and various film holders. He tells the salesperson excitedly that he's going off to shoot some landscapes with it.
The next day, this guy returns to the camera shop with a disgruntled look on his face, demanding a refund. He says to the salesperson:
"Mate, this camera is seriously defective. Everything in the viewfinder is upside down."
And I can't work out where to put the SD card ....
Xenedis
23-10-2012, 11:28pm
What do you call a professional photographer in a suit?
The defendant.
Me: Sorry did not mean to see my birthday present
Her: What?
Me: The book, "50 Shades of Grey"
Her: What?
Me: Isn't it the complete guide to understanding white balance?
Snow White received a camera as a Christmas present.
She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings.
When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed.
After a week or so she went to get the finished photos.
The store clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.
Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,
.
.
.
.
.
"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".
:lol:
Ezookiel
30-12-2012, 6:39pm
Me: Sorry did not mean to see my birthday present
Her: What?
Me: The book, "50 Shades of Grey"
Her: What?
Me: Isn't it the complete guide to understanding white balance?
Actually, I'm about 3/4th of the way through that book, and so far learned nothing at all about white balance ... learned a lot about things I never expected to learn about, but white balance wasn't one of them ;)
(and yes, I do realise it was a joke)
Mr Felix
30-12-2012, 7:29pm
Snow White received a camera as a Christmas present.
She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings.
When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed.
After a week or so she went to get the finished photos.
The store clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.
Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,
.
.
.
.
.
"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".
:lol:
Ok, I'll bite. What did I miss?
ricktas
30-12-2012, 8:49pm
Ok, I'll bite. What did I miss?
someday your prints will come (someday your prince will come) :2biggn:
Rattus79
08-02-2013, 11:30am
Q: Why is flying an F-16 better than flying an F-22?
A: It’s one stop faster!
- - - Updated - - -
A Pentaxian, a Nikonian, and a Canonite are all at the urinal peeing.
The Canonite finishes, zips up and leaves without washing his hands.
The Nikonian finishes, zips up and goes to wash his hands, meanwhile the Pentaxian zips up and goes to leave without washing too
The Nikonian says to the Pentaxian, "Well, I can understand the Canonite leaving witout washing his hands, but I thought you Pentaxians would have better hygene then that"
The Pentaxian replies, "We don't pee on our hands"
Rattus79
08-02-2013, 11:33am
How do you get the professional photographer off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Rattus79
08-02-2013, 3:39pm
Two photographers walking along a street and they pass a beggar sitting with his hat up-ended on the pavement, begging for money. One guy keeps walking. The other stops. Later when they catch up with each other the first guy says to the other. “Hey I saw you stop for that beggar. What did you give him?”"Oh” says the first guy, “1/125th at f5.6″
A photographer at the nudist club – all his pictures were over exposed.
____
I decided to become a nude photographer but the girls told me to put my clothes back on!
____
A long time ago when I worked in a photo lab, a guy came in to pick up some prints of his naked wife.
I had a peek at the pics as I handed them over.
"Would you like the negatives?" I asked.
"Yes please," he said sheepishly.
"She's got saggy boobs and a huge bum" I replied.
http://xkcd.com/1014/
:lol:
Xenedis
08-02-2013, 7:43pm
The Pentaxian replies, "We don't pee on our hands"
I've read this joke twice, and it still doesn't make sense. :-(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR0WXJwnHW8
An old advert, but funny
Warren Ackary
24-02-2013, 10:34am
Remember:
Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are: P[erfect] Av[Awesome Priority Tv[Totally Awesome Priority] M[ajestic]
Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his.
Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time.
Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is.
Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape - the light waits for him.
Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the earth
Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus; unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth instead.•
Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less good get a Canon sticker
Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think once
Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident.
Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius
Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers, and lo, there were ducks.
Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you
Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure
Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble SpaceTelescope.
When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it.
Rockwell portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes
Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d"
Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's.
Ken Rockwell never focus, everything moves into his DoF
Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned photoshop for him: all it consists of is a close button.
The term tripod was coined after Ken Rockwell's silhouette
Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the viewer
A certain brand of high-end cameras was named after people noticed the quality was a lot "like a" Rockwell
Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is the Ken Rockwell of martial arts.
Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues.
Love it Kym! :th3::lol:
I told this when judging at Adelaide CC last night...
There were two photographers arrested in Europe yesterday and taken to the horse meat scandal court.
One was a Nikon shooter, the other Canon.
They were arguing about which had the better lenses.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
They were gaoled for flogging a dead horse :lol:
Rattus79
28-02-2013, 11:33am
.
They were gaoled for flogging a dead horse :lol:
Of course they were because everybody knows that Pentax Ltd lenses are the best in the world! :D
Mark L
28-02-2013, 11:04pm
Apparently, when the police arrived, there was a Pentax user about to join into the argument. They advise him to not say anything or else they'd charge him with blasphemy.
Rattus79
01-03-2013, 11:44pm
Apparently, when the police arrived, there was a Pentax user about to join into the argument. They advise him to not say anything or else they'd charge him with blasphemy.
Of course he did. He was a Leica shooter. Although how he could afford one on a police mans salary is yet to be determined!
How to Photograph a New Puppy
Also relevant to 10-month-old daughters! :D
martycon
27-07-2013, 11:17pm
I now know this is true.
*~Min~*
28-10-2013, 6:27pm
Just saw this joke on Pinterest and found it funny:
"A photographer went to a socialite party in New York. As he entered the front door, the host said 'I love your photos - they're wonderful; you must have a fantastic camera'. He said nothing until dinner was finished, then 'That was a wonderful dinner - you must have a terrific stove'."
ameerat42
28-10-2013, 10:36pm
Are any of these jokes filtered?
Has anybody put an f-stop to this?
Does talking on a cold day increase your stutter speed?
ISO like some of the humour in this thread.
...
...
Humor, of cause Am lens a hand.
Just as well, 'cause my attempts aren't that flash.
Can't expose you to the tripod joke I heard. Rick would probably sensor it.
I'll AF off now.
...
ameerat42
29-10-2013, 10:22pm
Mark. Zoom-Zoom!
(Actually, I detest both versions of that saying, the B one and the stupid Mazda sound-alike, but for the sake of photography...)
Just have to share this-
Helping to photograph cemetery headstones for a 'Tour' advertisement-
We (a Council ute and us photographers) turned off the main road where road-works were happening-
SIX cars followed us for about 1 kilometre to the cemetery- thinking they were following a 'Detour'
I just couldn't stop laughing!!
ameerat42
31-10-2013, 5:41pm
...
SIX cars followed us for about 1 kilometre to the cemetery- thinking they were following a 'Detour'
I just couldn't stop laughing!!...
Did nobody think of stopping to tell them? - Boy, that's funny!
ameerat42
31-10-2013, 9:11pm
100% crop? A yield that a farmer would be happy with.
Ezookiel
03-11-2013, 11:01pm
...SIX cars followed us for about 1 kilometre to the cemetery- thinking they were following a 'Detour'
I just couldn't stop laughing!!
Reminds me of the guy driving a semi that wasn't concentrating (to make this photography related humour, I guess he was taking a photo while driving), and missed a corner, and ran straight through a fence into a paddock.
He got out all shaken, and walked around the semi to see how much damage there was, and found a couple parked behind him in their car.
When he asked what the heck they were doing there, they said that "Whatever it was that you thought was too big for you to hit, was obviously going to be way too big for us to hit it, so we decided it was safer to follow you"
I once taught photography at a TAFE college. One 'student' owned a 35mm film Rollei 35S where the flash shoe was on the base-plate of the camera. All their flash photos showed 'monster' lighting (lit from below). I politely advised to invert the camera & flash, press shutter with thumb. The answer came back- "won't all my photos be upside-down?" (true !)
:tog:
Ezookiel
06-03-2014, 7:54pm
LOL.
Couldn't help but laugh at this at least a little.
Just a funny off the internet, owner not known)
107433
I tried to take a photo in fog...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I mist.
:D :D :D
ameerat42
08-06-2014, 8:21pm
I tried to take a photo in fog...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I mist.
:D :D :D
A load of hot air?
Analog6
01-01-2015, 10:45am
Oh dear!
I tried to take a photo in fog...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I mist.
:D :D :D
bcys1961
04-01-2015, 3:39pm
Not sure if this has been posted elsewhere , but here is - "The Battle at f-Stop Ridge"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awq90APEVgw
That's amusing Brad.:)
Here's part 2.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PovspE6IVg
Chuck Norris photographed the world's first camera
Back when I was younger I spent most of the evening chatting up a young lady at a party, and while I thought I was starting to win her over I had to leave early. In order to keep the ball rolling I asked her for her phone number so I could arrange another meeting. "Tell me your number, I'll remember it and give you a call in the next couple of days. Don't worry, I have a photographic memory"
I realised that my best efforts had been in vain when she replied "Pity you never got it developed...."
martycon
11-07-2016, 11:13pm
And well recounted.
cheers marty
- - - Updated - - -
Thanks for the jokes Kym, shall keep a lookout hoping to cpontribute.
cheers marty
Mark L
12-07-2016, 10:43pm
Since Marty revived this thread I thought I'd try and find something amusing.
Q. What's the best way to make money in photography?
A. Sell all your gear.
I bought a Labrador and named him Kodak, so I can say I own a Kodak Lab.:confused013
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